Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My Harley

When I go back to yesteryear, as a boy, I recall always wanting a big dog; a Rotweiller. Surely, a dog like a Rotty would say something about it's owner, me; a trustworthy kind that looks the part of danger, but if you get to know it, you'd find a great demeanor. Rotts are known to protect what is theirs and are good with kids. They like to be around their master and unlike the Pitbull's history, they are good with people and other dogs as long as you don't jerk them around...yep, sounds just like me (except for the master part).

Well, for years and years I'd been adamant about not having a dog unless it was a Rott, and I had a place where it could run freely. Always living in an apartment had kind of put a damper on ever really raising one from puppy-hood, not to mention, living in cramped quarters with a big dog, to me, would not be a good experience.

So what should one replace the idea of a big dog with? I know, a Harley. It's my belief that every guy should have a Harley. Having one, as I have found, can relieve any stress one might be feeling. My Harley is always there and ready to go. Even more interesting is the introspection I got after getting my Harley. When I took it out on the road, I didn't care if anyone thought anything about me or looked at me like I this way or that. I was now someone who had a Harley that I could care for and take wherever I wanted. As a matter of fact, with my Harley, I now have women stopping to talk with me like never before. Amazing what a Harley can do for you, suddenly, I'm approachable.

When I first heard about my Harley, I didn't want to hear about it. I didn't want to take care of it. I didn't need one. It would just cost me more money. I'm too busy to have a Harley, you can't just let them sit. They need to be out on the road, running. Well, my girlfriend got a call from a friend, and after being adamant for a week that I didn't want it, she broke me down and we got my new Harley. I took me about 5 minutes to accept that we now had it. I love it! I wouldn't take it back if I could. I learned that my Harley had been through a lot, and now, after two months of having it, I don't know that I could ever get rid of it. Scratch that! I wouldn't get rid of it.

Harley is a Bishon/Poodle mix of some kind. He was tied to a post somewhere in Buena Park and taken in by a kind woman. A friend of Mary's (my GF) thought it would be perfect for her and sent a picture text. Well, I knew Mary was going to get this dog one way or another, and as I said, within 5 minutes the dog had my heart and soul. Is it a big Rotty? No. Do I still want a big Rott? Yes. Will not having a big dog make me any different than I am today? No. A dog doesn't make you who you are or really represent anything about you. People would like to think that dogs are representin', but that's just a perception that's full of poop.

If you haven't figured it out by now, his name is "Harley" and he's a rescue pet. If you have ever wanted a pet, look in a shelter today, adopt one and I guarantee that you'll learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Personalizing Other People's Problems

   Have you ever taken on someone's faults as your own? Really! I'm serious. Have you ever gotten caught up in someone's dilemma and you found that you were feeling stressed? This happens for a lot of CPAs during tax time, but it also happens, often times, in our relationships with friends and family.
   Have you ever been pulled into an argument between two other friends? It sucks! Both wanting you to side with them is a catastrophe waiting to happen. There are many recognizable situations that happen on a daily basis to send us over the proverbial edge when it comes to other people's problems, but why? The why is PERSONALIZATION.
   We often times connect to a present situation by being triggered from a situation in our past. In my new book, Breaking You in the World of I (due out June '11), I make it a point to the reader that anytime someone is angry or yelling about anything, then they are the one with a problem and not you. What I find is, many people take it personal when someone is angry or yelling at them. Why?
   Whenever someone is angry and yelling, it is 100% because they have been triggered by a situation that resembles a situation from their past. People don't get angry and yell if they don't have information from which to draw. As a short example: a man gets angry at his child for bringing home bad grades on his report card. If the man takes the time to view his emotional outburst (what triggered it), he will see; he has been triggered by his own past of failing. There is always a similar situation that can be recognized from one's past.
   Well, what should you do if you're the recipient of the anger or yelling? First off, there are two things to clarify. One is to just know that they have been triggered and since you are the one in the line of fire, then you are related to the triggering. Don't take it couldn't have known about their past. But, and this is a BIG BUT, now you know the trigger/button and you can push it at will. I don't suggest you do that!
   Second, do not personalize their anger as your fault. Sure, you may have helped with the trigger, but if that person doing the yelling had handled the situation when it first took place, in their past, they wouldn't have a trigger on that subject. Get it?
   Now, here we go. You triggered them and they are yelling in anger at you. Whatever emotion you start to display or feel, is now your chance to find what triggers you and what you haven't handled from your past. This is where we all get to play grown up and declare a TIME OUT.
   If you find that you can't handle being yelled at, then you need to start making better clarifications in regards to your daily living. Ask yourself why you can't stand it. Was there a lot of yelling in the house when you were a kid? How did you react back then? Were you assertive or did you back down? What emotion did you experience when someone yelled? Did you want to shy away? Do the research on how you handled your past and compare it to how you handle the present.
   The personalization of other people's problems is not the issue; you are not them. As a matter of fact, you can't personalize someone's problems, it's virtually impossible. You are personalizing your past problems and bringing them to the surface. It's at this time that you should always take a moment to reflect on what just happened and measure it to how you handled situations from your past. When you can begin to do that and make it a part of your "personal" healing, weight will be lifted from your shoulders and you will have a skip in your step.
   Is there a family member you are estranged from? Do you avoid Christmas with the family? Is there an unsettled dispute from years ago? When you want to get that skip back into your step, realize that things change and it's okay to let go of past personalization, that people will do what they do or have done and what they find fault with has absolutely nothing to do with you. It never has and it never will!

Monday, May 9, 2011

Monday Arggg! Business as Usual?

   I guess I'm a lucky man. While many of my friends are fighting the Monday morning traffic, I spend time with my girlfriend and walking the dog. We don't have to rush anywhere or wonder if we're encroaching on someone's lane (if you live in a city like L.A., then you know what I'm talking about).
   What does your Monday morning look like? Are you rushing to beat the clock? If so, why? Do you know that most traffic accidents are because someone thought they were going to be late, so they had to rush through that light. I have so many friends that have gotten needless tickets, costing them their whole day's wages, all for the idea that they shouldn't be late.
   Business as usual in this day in age, should be anything but! How will you create your Monday? For that matter, how about Tuesday, Wednesday or any other day of the week? What game will you decide to play? Will you procrastinate? Will you be casual? Will you be on top of your game and drive hard to beat any and all quotas? If you're a manager/supervisor how will you handle your staff?
     If you can see the pattern here, there are a lot of things to think about when starting off the week in business. Whether you're the owner or the employee, you should have a plan of action, and not a regret for having to show up. Some of the happiest people I know are those who have a plan of action and a go-getter attitude; even when they're the lower level employee. There are people that meet their daily job with a passion and a self respect that says, "I'm going to make this happen and it's going to be great!"
   If you've ever caught yourself saying, "Oh man, I hate Mondays!" Then you may need to rethink what you hate. If Monday was a birthday, or a holiday that you were off, you probably wouldn't hate it, would you? How you think, is how you speak, and when you make a declaration of hate for anything, it's an opportunity to see what's buried in your sub-conscious.
   Business as usual is when we don't take the time to recognize our true ability in life; the ability to power through or make significant gains in anything we desire. Whoa! Key word...Desire. Do you have a desire? Of course, we all have a desire for something, but can you have a desire for your company to do better? Can you show up and desire to make the day so perfect that you clock out knowing that you were at your ultimate best? Of course you can. Life is yours for the making.
   Will your day be business as usual? If so, why? Is your as usual? Interesting, I've never heard  a person with a lot of drive, one that meets each day like a tiger ready to pounce on its prey, say those words, "Business as usual." They don't think that way, so they don't speak that way. Because they don't speak that way, they don't act that way. Because they don't act that way, they don't live that way. Because they don't live that way, Monday is never the enemy.
   What will you decide to do concerning your week of work? Hopefully after reading this, you will make a game of your career and create a plan of action for not only you, but others in your office. Really, find someone to compete with or make teams and create a game. Whoever/whichever person/team wins, gets lunch or whatever the agreed upon prize.
   Get on the phone, knock on more doors, network more often, talk talk talk and create an unusual game of business. Limit the time on the social sites that keep you from engaging worthy business contacts or streamlining your business to be more profitable. Create a slogan that gets posted on your computer screen or your cell phone that quickly reminds you that your life should not be a "usual" run of the mill happenstance.
Think it! Speak it! Be it! 


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Friendships; Hardships, Isolation and Resolve

Friendships, often times, come and go. We never know who will stay around for the duration of our lives or who will be discarded by choice. If there is anything certain about friendships, it is that they will occasionally endure hardships.
What are your friends like? Do they reflect your morals, your values, your personality? Has a friend ever let you down, or likewise, have you unwittingly passed judgment incorrectly upon them?
When times get tough between friends, isolation or complete disconnection can be advisable for a short time; a cooling off period. We all need our space after a conflict, but that conflict is often times a message to ourselves that we need to look within, observe our own faults.
In a forthcoming book, Breaking You in the World of I, readers will discover that when they have a problem with someone in their life, the problem always stems from within. In other words, one may think that the friend did something really wrong, but introspection will always reveal that the wrong was planted like a tree from years long ago; during our youth.
People, friends, will always be exactly who they are. When we get angry or spout off our thoughts regarding that friend, we're really spewing our anger about ourselves and the inability to handle a situation outside of ourselves. We tend to believe that our way is always the right way, and until called to the mat, we may not even recognize ourselves as being out of order.
If one is ever having a problem with a friend, isolate yourself for a day or two and think things through. When we are angry, what we're admitting is that we've been triggered. We're re-living something from our past, perhaps from our youth. During any squabbles with a friend, the key to resolution is to not speak about your problem with other friends, who are then forced to listen, and often times, required to take sides.
Gossiping about the difference of opinions or verbally defaming a friend is an act of attrition in respect of the self. It shows a complete lack of integrity and willfully harms all participants involved.
Any dispute can be resolved, even if so simply as to agree to disagree. Searching out and thoroughly inspecting one's triggers to any argument or defamatory accusations are the absolute key to a prosperous resolve.